From there, you learn to appreciate who treats you right and who not quite so.

Past few years have been lots of growing up everywhere, especially living apart from my parents and being financially independent. Rentals are no joke but I think I have settled in quite well.

Been kept occupied by Wongfu’s videos. I like Wesley, not so much of how he looks because if it were so, I would have told my friend I liked him when we attended their seminar at Rock Auditiorium last week and she posed me this question…

Friend’s friend: Who do you like the most?!!
Me: Er.. well .. (thinking about the guy I watched in Strangers, Again – I sorta like him) I think he is not here.. (but actually he was on the stage TALKING, only realised when I got home)
Friend’s friend: Oh you mean TED?! TED?????!!
Me: Yeah maybe (trying to end the conversation because she was getting abit too excited.. lol)

Went home and watched more of their stuffs and realised it was Wes & Phil (*facepalm*) up there. Phil is just very nice, but he has too much to talk (which he probably has to as Wes & Ted talk less). Wes is mellow. There is something about him that I can relate to, and it is actually very me.

We are probably sort of resign to “Forever Alone”, tho we long for someone beside us. It is hard to find someone we can relate to om a deeper level. After watching their videos, I realised

There are more similarites that I gathered as I watched their clips. Some are behavorial which I can’t really put into words..

I wish we knew each other. I wonder what kind of conversations we will have or ideas we will share.

I was shooting a scene in my new film, No Strings Attached, in which I say to Natalie Portman,

“If you miss me. you can’t text, you can’t email, you can’t post it on my Facebook wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me.”

I began to think of all of the billions of intimate exchanges sent daily via fingers and screens, bouncing between satellites and servers. With all this texting, emailing, and social networking, I started wondering, are we all becoming so in touch with one another that we are in danger of losing touch?

It used to be that boy met girl and they exchanged phone numbers. Anticipation built. They imagined the entire relationship before a call ever happened. The phone rang. Hearts pounded. “Hello?” Followed by a conversation that lasted two hours but felt like two minutes and would be examined with friends for two weeks. If all went well, a date was arranged. That was then.

Now we exchange numbers but text instead of calling because it mitigates the risks of early failure and eliminates those deafening moments of silence. Now anticipation builds. Bdoop. “It was NICE meeting u” Both sides overanalyze every word. We talk to a friend, an impromptu Cyrano: “He wrote nice in all caps. What does that mean? What do I write back?” Then we write a response and delete it 10 times before sending a message that will appear 2 care, but not 2 much. If all goes well, a date will be arranged.

Whether you like it or not, the digital age has produced a new format for modern romance, and natural selection may be favoring the quick-thumbed quip peddler over the confident, ice-breaking alpha male. Or maybe we are hiding behind the cloak of digital text and spell-check to present superior versions of ourselves while using these less intimate forms of communication to accelerate the courting process. So what’s it really good for?

There is some argument about who actually invented text messaging, but I think it’s safe to say it was a man. Multiple studies have shown that the average man uses about half as many words per day as women, thus text messaging. It eliminates hellos and goodbyes and cuts right to the chase. Now, if that’s not male behavior, I don’t know what is. It’s also great for passing notes. there is something fun about sharing secrets with your date while in the company of others. think of texting as a modern whisper in your lover’s car.

Sending sweet nothings on Twitter or Facebook is also fun. in some ways, it’s no different than sending flowers to the office: You are declaring your love for everyone to see. Who doesn’t like to be publicly adored. Just remember that what you post is out there and there’s some stuff you can’t un-see.

But the reality is that we communicate with every part of our being, and there are times when we must use it all. When someone needs us, he or she needs all of us. There’s no text that can replace a loving touch when someone we love is hurting.

We haven’t lost romance in the digital age, but we may be neglecting it. In doing so, antiquated art forms are taking on new importance. The power of a hand-written letter is greater than ever. It’s personal and deliberate means more than an email or text ever will. It has a unique scent. It requires deciphering. But, most important, it’s flawed There are errors in handwriting, punctuation, grammar, and spelling that show our vulnerability. And vulnerability is the essence of romance. It’s the art of being uncalculated, the willingness to look foolish, the courage to say, “This is me, and I’m interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more importantly, all that I am not.”

- Ashton Kutcher

It’s hard to imagine how I could spend my time blogging a decade ago. The camera was a must-have, I share everything with readers. And I did well.

I guess life has other plans for me. My mission has shifted. Nowadays, I’m more interested in Design.

My boyfriend broke up with me abruptly ard 4mths ago and here I’m, not knowing why I’m penning this entry. Perhaps no one will ever come to read it, but I want to record this entry down.

After all the “why’s”, I decided there is no point asking why anymore. For him, the reason is simple. There is a lack of feelings.

I couldn’t understand how I could pour my life into someone and got back this answer. Instead of blaming, I took a deep dive within. Somewhere along the line, we have kept too much inside. We are mirrors of each other, I notice. A lack of communication, a lack of expression. Alot more, made the r/s so suppressive, that I guess when he got out of it, he was relief.

Yet, in my darkness immerse moments of hurt, I have never blamed him. I realised a heart of gratitude is truly immensely beautiful. I never knew my heart contain such vastness. This is not to say I’m great. I have always believed in the man he is to be one day. I want to celebrate each of his advancements with him, though I have never mentioned that to him. I was worried he would feel pressurized than encouraged. The most I could do is to quietly support everything he seeks out to achieve. Truth be told, sometimes I felt he had to be more practical. But instead of nagging at him, I managed it with patience and felt life would eventually teach him. Most imptly, I must be beside him when he falls.

I realized those were not what he wants.

What he wants, till now, I have no idea.

(My dog has marched it to find me the moment my mum opened the door of my granny’s house in Msia. I look at her with a smile, appreciating this moment – one day she too, would not be here anymore.)

I’ve been thinking of going for a professional photo shoot with Mr J!! Yet to voice it out to him but his typical response may be:

“So fat shoot what? (referring to me)”

Hahahaha.. Kidding. ;)

I had the most awesome time ushering in the New Year by Yishun Dam. We had prepared tables, chairs, mats, and lotsa food to relax by the windy dam, watching the world go by. It was so lovely, I had planned to write an entry on it. But I guess that can wait.

Well this afternoon I spent almost 4hrs to book a chalet with Aloha Loyang/Changi/whatever it is. I had wanted to go ahead and book it but as it was very last min (I wanted to book for next weekend), only limited bungalow chalets were still open for booking and only Sundays were left. And they cost $420 per day to book.

After some thoughts I decided to call up on a friend who is a teacher as I had heard long time back that civil servants can get theirs at a discount, though I didn’t know how much. Called a Soka friend who joyly agreed but told me to wait till later of the day.

I knew this friend very well and was expecting that she would take a long time to reply me. I sincerely appreciate her help but time was running out for me. Plus I found out that to check in, I need the person’s NRIC. Last I heard, this friend stays in Bukit Batok. Wah liao.

So I decided to call my secondary school friend who lives just a few streets away and is truely the most helpful girl in the whole world. Called, no one answered. She is known to always miss her phone calls. So sigh. Left her a message. And miraculously she called back within 5mins!!! Turns out she just gotten off badminton and was about to wash up and attend a secondary class gathering which I politely opted out in the end.

I asked her if she could help me book a chalet and she gamely suggested giving me her personal details so I could just go and do what I need to. Hooray! As I was on the phone with her while she repeated her NRIC no to me, all I could focus was I couldn’t register with the website. Only after 4 tries and an experasted friend later that I read the words in red properly: she supposedly already is a registered user.

Friend: Oh?? But I have never booked a chalet with them leh…
Me: Err??
Friend: Why not you reset the password?
Me: Okay… but you’ll need to check your email..
Friend: It’s alright, you can login to my mailbox..

5mins later… while she was still on the phone..

Me: Erm, never receive email from them leh..
Friend: Maybe the system slow.. you need to wait. Anyway I need to go and wash up first. You call me back later?
Me: Okay.. call you back in 30mins..

I had wanted to bathe as well but all I did was to stare at the screen waiting for an email that never came. Later..

Me: You sure you used that email to register last time?
Friend: Should be…
Me: Still no email leh..
Friend: …
Me: Okay, nevermind, I wait by my computer, anytime I call you yah?
Friend: Okay!

So I waited, and after 2 hrs I just felt that something was wrong. I called up Aloha to check and they suggested I send them an email manually with my (friend’s) NRIC and DOB as there may be something wrong with the system (WTF???). So I did. And I waited.

Another 3 calls to them later, they finally sent me the email.

I heaved a sigh of relief. Thought all had come to an end.

Guess what.. with the info they had sent me, I still couldn’t log in!!!!!!!!! I was literally going “URGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”. I could also be Jasmine’s sister, pulling some hair out.

I called them again and I think the woman was sick of recognising my voice. She told me she could log in.

Later we found out that she had mistyped the password to me WTH? Suay or what?

It had been 3hr 30mins since I first checked out Aloha’s website and decided to make a booking with them.

So finally logged in, I excitedly went to pick my chalet.

There were only Garden Bungalow 3, 5 & 13 left. I picked 13! Because it was his favourite number and I felt it was so apt as I wanted to book it for his birthday next weekend.

Just before I proceed to make payment, I decided that it would be better to go update the password to something my friend would remember better.

When I came back to book, the chalet is now LOCKED!!! I suspect it was not unavailable, just that my attempt earlier caused the system to think that someone was attempting to book the chalet. Exhausted by this long chain of waiting, I contemplated to just book either of the two left but I really liked the idea of booking Chalet 13.

So I called up Aloha again. The woman (oh no) told me to wait for 20mins. The system would refresh itself.

Wait AGAIN! It was going 4hrs. OMG, I could have made a trip to Paris Ris and book the chalet manually CAN? Plus return trip thanks.

I finally went to take my shower, hopping that no one would suddenly spoil my plan by booking the chalet right after the system unlocked it. That would be ultimate suay ka sai.

I came back and the chalet was still locked, I decided to call my bf to check his opinion first. I didn’t intend to make it a surprise. Already experienced too many among friends and it was becoming dull. Besides, how do you trick someone to go to ulu Loyang?

2mins into the phone call, the chalet was unlocked! I could happily make my booking! After 4hrs!! Yay!

Unfortunately, the bf thought it was a bad idea. He reasoned that it is a Sunday and it would be too rush for everyone. We could only check in at 3pm and next day he may have to work.

With each sentence, I could feel the fire of excitement (I’ve named it Billy – don’t ask why) in my heart being extinguished cruelly. Splash! Splash!! Splash!!! Until there was only smoke left. I didn’t even have time to say goodbye to Billy.

I digress.

Billy, the fire of excitement, has more lives than a cat for he had been brutually extinguished countless of times by some long freaking pole named Giffy. I hope Billy resurrects someday.

Back to the topic.

I had never planned for him to lift a finger in this whole celebration. All he needed to do was to be there, and enjoy. If I had my own kitchen I would have made it at my place. But I don’t. So I searched around for a possible chalet equipped with kitchen.

I also spent the night before watching YouTube videos to choose some dishes to make.

Everyone can leave on time and leave the cleaning to me.

But no, a few sentences later, no booking was made. No matter how much he said he appreciates all these but there was no need to, the heart just couldn’t help but feel dejected.

I decided not to do such things anymore. At this point I suddenly remember what Valencis shared with me before.

She told me that Zen (her then bf, now hubby) has a spontaneous nature like me, we love fun and making others happy. Zen is totally someone who would do things like me on a whirl, but instead of supporting him, she (a planner’s nature) always told him to save the trouble, stopping him in doing whatever he wants to. After a few yrs, she noticed Zen was not doing things like his nature would and she realised, she prefers the real him. And so, one Christmas, she let him do his thing.

And she was amazed. Amazed with the decorations, the food, how much everyone enjoyed and she wondered why did she even stop him in the first place. Life is short afterall.

I didn’t share this story for I felt there is no need to force someone to celebrate his/her birthday. If it’s meant to be, one day he would realise this as well. But I did find myself totally relating to the story.

For who do we wait for? Why do we choose to stop? Why do we have to let things stop us for being who we truely are?

Those were really the questions that were lingering in my mind. Life is truely so short. I want to live it out. I do not enjoy being a whimp and I have decided to do these on some other occasion instead. Yes, I want everyone to enjoy and live it out!

PS: The first friend I approached really did go to sleep upon reaching home and only SMSed me at 830pm at night.

PPPS: RIP Billy.

Okay, I feel better already so here are some pics from NYE 2009!

While accessing my SD card, I found some pics we took last year on Leong’s lorry to Yishun Dam! Qiao or what? As you can see, nothing has changed much since then.

Sabby & Ian

JX & Simin

Someone identify Billy’s murderer

Most of the pictures are from Rachel. Rachel please forgive me. Anyway if anyone of you is wondering how Rachel looks like when she is angry:

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You can see I’m pretty safe

Rach & her Dad were the first to arrive at around 630pm at the dam.

Sea of Calm

They brought some snacks & drinks for all of us! Sweetest people ever.

Other smart people at Yishun Dam too.

And then we arrived with all the barang barangs

My pot of ABC soup!

Fully armed with tables, chairs, mats and what not

Rachel’s love, David

Starting to nom

Fooooood

Some guy at the flea market nearby, modelling a tube top for us. Jasmine bought it.

Leong & his ladylove, Miao Ling

Fong didn’t feel too comfortable after riding Ian’s foldable bike (looks like a triangle btw)

Playing Chubby Bunny while the rest recorded all the unglam moments

Can you see the amount of sparklers we got?? Enough to last us 30mins of full blown child’s play -_-

All the girls morphing into a crazy mode with the sparklers

JX & Simin – =)

JX & Simin – -o-

JX & Simin – :|

JX & Simin – :(

LL, best describing David, who got called back to do guard duty 2hrs before midnight

M for Melanie

Then I wanted to copy – WTH?

I’m sorry Rachie

Finally got it right!

Happy New Year!!

They wanted to try doing Olympic logo

We contributed to some ozone damage that night

A friend got so excited playing the sparkler that she impolded into a bright ball of fire

Impossible group picture with fireworks. Ian’s smartest with the helmet

Told you it was impossible

We simply couldn’t get our sparklers to light at same time & gather together

Leong & Rachel’s fathers prefer to wave their satay sticks instead

Happy 2010 Everyone!!! HUAT AH!!!

I depended on the kindness of my ex-boss & his wife, strangers, friends.

But I have also met very greedy & heartless people. People who chose to drop a rock on me even though they knew I was drowning.

However, this IS the year I truely grew as a human being. I’ve learnt so much but still not doing enough.

This year, I started out on my own.

And then I found two more people.

I found friends whom I have not seen for a year, changing boyfriend and gotten married.

What a difference a year can make. I have been so lucky despite all the shit thrown at me.

I look forward to solve problems. Most importantly, I hope I will still be that blessed one. (who doesn’t?)

Smileeeee…. :)

If not for Terence asking me for the recipe of the lotus soup I cooked via Twitter (BTW I’m very active on Twitter! Follow me there la… Same username), I don’t think I would be writing.

Anyhoo, I was actually very lazy to cook and take pics. I’ve long past the era of taking pics everywhere I go and post on my beloved (and used to be loved by others) blog. It’s so dead, I feel sad. Even my camera is an old Casio 3.2MP laopok cam that I had bought 5yrs ago when I first enrolled in NYP. It was bought with my own money and till this day it is still functioning! Long live you Dinosaur! The boyfriend has since upgraded to a dont-know-how-many-MP Lumix and got himself a new Mac Desktop.

I looked through my SD card and found so many forgotten memories it is madness. Maybe I’ll post random pictures here.

Ok, stop the crap, let’s get started with Cooking your very own Delicious Lotus Soup!

Before I start, I would like to add that my grandmother (who lives in Malaysia) cooks very tasty soups. I’ve never been someone who needs to cook so I always stare at her in admiration each time she brews the most tasty soup on Earth. When I asked her how to cook, she always tells me “Like that lor..” -_-

Like what?! It was rocket science to me. I felt I would never achieve the same taste, and I felt I’m destined to be so since my 3rd aunt always tells me that she follows the steps and ingredients my grandma does but has never quite achieved the same taste. I can secretly attest to that cos well, I tasted the food la.

Why I never learn from my mom? My mom is the worst cook in the world, but I always eat what she cooked cos I was so lazy to buy food so no matter how bad I would still eat. Her lotus soup tastes nothing like a lotus soup, I think it is out of love, she would add extra ingredients like red dates and alot alot of things. In the end the soup tastes like some weird hybrid instead of its pure original goodness. Whatever she cooks it always end up this way because she adds too many things that aren’t supposed to be there. I gave up trying to tell her long ago. Just eat.

I had not set off to cook lotus soup. Ever since I started living on my own (bad things with it – loneliness, no one to wash my clothes etc etc but peace comes with it too), I started with simple potato soup. Not that I know how to cook. But i got so sick of eating outside food that one day I stomped to the supermarket and bought my own ingredients and came back to experiment.

I mean, how wrong could it get right? I basically just recalled what I saw in a soup and dumped everything in. All those childhood years of watching Fang Tai, Yan Can Cook and Jamie Oliver paid off. Not that Jamie Oliver has any credit in this Chinese soup. I’m just saying.

I never look back since and got more and more adventurous with cooking. I’m naturally a curious person and anything to do with art (yes I feel that food is art!) always got me very interested. Just that I was too dependent and lazy when I was living with my parents. Now no choice liao lor…

One day I was at NTUC Hougang Mall trying to get ingredients for Tom Yam soup but wth, the ingredients like damn hard to find! The NTUC so big and so many kinds of vegetables also don’t have the ones I need to get. Just as I was bored I saw peanuts. All tightly packed in a yellow drawstring bag. I suddenly got the inspiration to attempt at Lotus Soup. But wth??? No lotus around. SO BIG don’t have something so basic??? I always see it in the NTUC at SingPost (near my place) and that NTUC is considered small one lor….

I didn’t abandon the idea and one day at SingPost, I bought it.

WTH? I still haven’t started on the recipe.

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Ok! What you need:

1) Pork Ribs (cannot don’t have man)
2) 2 Large Onions
3) Peanuts
4) Lotus Root

That’s it! The ingredients are damn simple, did you expect more?

First, soak the pork ribs in salted water. Don’t ask me why. I think I develop this habit of doing so cos my mom always tells me to soak things in salted water before cooking to fend off whatever germs that comes with it. Not sure how true is that or rather it works but better to play safe right? hahahaha later die. I always plan to do this first so that by the time I’m done with peeling, chopping and whatnot the pork ribs can be removed to cook!

Next, cut the ends of the Lotus Roots, peel and cut it across the width. So they look like this:

Then, deshell the peanuts. Yes lao niang actually did that one by one. So sian! Wth. I was so bored repeating this process. Btw I wasn’t sure if it was the correct peanuts to use when I first bought them. (after soup was cooked I found out it’s right la) First time I deshell them I actually put one in my mouth and WTH! So plain and nothing like those Camel brand peanuts that are so tasty. I don’t know why the difference here and could only rely on faith that it would turn out ok (which thankfully it did so I’m writing this entry).

Bring the pot of water to the boiling point and just briefly toss your pork ribs inside. I think I always remember this step when I watched Fang Tai and I did it without knowing why I did that the first time. After I put in then I know why. Omg the water was so dirty, you wouldn’t want it in your mouth. So just let them take a quick bath in the hot water. Fish them out and put one side.

Boil the water again, after it has reached a boiling point, put all the ingredients in!

Brew it for some hours (up to you). How I gauge that it’s ready to be served is when the lotus roots and pork ribs take the colour of the skin of the peanuts (reddish brown). That’s how I know. Also found out that the colour came from the peanuts after the first time I cooked it.

Add salt to taste. Viola!

I must say, it tasted like granny’s… Not being biased! :)

I WILL SKIN THIS BLOG SOON. WTH DO so many designs for clients and yet when it comes to my own it’s damn CUI. I cannot stand looking at this monster.

So one day, when he called me, I kept going “Why?” with every few sentences he made. He replied, “Wah lao no why lah! I just call you to chat can? Never call say I never call, now I call you ask why…”

Anyway, his call yesterday to me was to ask if I would be going back Malaysia.

?!?!?!?!

Why does it matter?

I kept asking him why because he didn’t immediately say why he enquired me in the first place and of course I think it is odd cos firstly, I seldom go back Malaysia. Secondly, he has never cared when I do go back. LOL..

In the end, he said, “Oh.. I’m thinking if you go back this week, I can get some mooncakes for your parents too…”

Sweet!

Anyway, that’s not the point and it’s not enough to make me feel that my life is miserable. In fact it is awesome now. I hope it lasts. Wah lao.

What actually makes me more sian is the fact that Mr J is out with his friends and I’m not invited to go with him! LOL…. I’m not angry. In fact I’ve always given him the freedom to do whatever he wants and go.

SO WHAT IS MAKING ME SIAN?

I realise I actually just enjoy spending time with him. This, may not be a mutual feeling (LOL). But I like his company. And then like being rudely shoved awake… OH NO I DO NOT WANT TO TURN INTO ONE OF THOSE WHINY AND NEEDY GF.

What have I become?! :O

That aside, I met up with Kenneth, Mel & of cos Mr J in the middle of the night at Hougang Mall’s 24-hr Mac. No pics cos I believe I look hideous in my specs, oversized tee (Mr J’s actually) and a pair of denim shorts.

Why? What’s wrong with posting nice pics online? You do the same too lor.

There is something I love abt spontaneous meet up and if it evolves into some conversation that encourages, inspires, or full of laughter, I would always return home thinking whatever midnight cab fare is well worthed it.

That aside, I’m most happy cos I made a client happy. :)